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Things are going badly in bed – or not at all? It could be due to simple everyday habits. The 12 worst sex killers and how to make your relationship more pleasurable again.

Have you been wondering for a while now why your love life is more like a boring TV show than an exciting action movie? You’ve tried everything: role-playing, sex toys – nothing has worked? The problem may have a cause you don’t know about. Here you can find out what really spoils the desire for sex for you and your partner.

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1. cell phone ruins your sex life

Do you take your cell phone to bed with you? If so, you are not alone. Are you one of those who use it for more than just an alarm clock? In a study by the market research institute Toluna, commissioned by the health insurance company pronova BKK, almost 40% of all respondents said they looked at their smartphone directly before and after sleeping. Among those under 30, the figure is as high as 70%. The number of unreported cases is probably significantly higher.

What does the smartphone have to do with bad or no sex? Quite a lot: By being intensively occupied with sports results, news, Instagram or YouTube, you virtually forget about the partner next to you. Bad news can also damage your libido. If you want better sex, you should ban the cell phone from the bedroom.

2. you hide your true desires

Communication is crucial for a fulfilling sex life in a partnership. Trust should form a solid basis between you so that both can enjoy sex properly. If you can’t talk about your preferences, have to bend over backwards or feel pressured, this can really spoil your pleasure in the long run – and your partner’s too. This is usually the beginning of the end.

Talk about your sexual needs – and not just in bed. Encourage your partner to tell you what he/she likes in bed or what he/she likes less. But never put your partner under pressure. Try to be playful. If you have problems talking to each other about sex, an informal talk with a sex therapist can also help. By the way, good communication also means that you can laugh together in bed. Erotic game night: the best games for couples.

3. you postpone until tomorrow

“Let’s do it tomorrow”. You know that phrase? Sometimes you are so stressed or exhausted from training that you can’t imagine a lovemaking session with the best will in the world. But exactly then, you should still give yourself over to lust. Because sex can not only relieve stress, it also connects you more intensively with each other – and that’s good for the relationship. It doesn’t always have to be the breakneck artistry number, but a little petting or cuddly sex always goes.

4. your bed is a sex killer

The bed frame is squeaky, the mattress has been worn out for a long time and the bed cover has seen better days – so you’re wondering why sex isn’t happening? After all, most couples have sex most often in bed. A pesky pillow that she or you keep rolling into, or a bedpost that’s predestined for you to hit your head on it, can actually ruin your sex life.

If your love life is important to you, don’t skimp on the bed. Invest in a mattress that can take a beating. You don’t have to look forever in the bed store. Mattresses from the Internet are also great. By the way, the rest of the bedroom should not be a turn-off either. If you still have pictures of your ex-girlfriend hanging around, the walls are covered with soccer posters, or there are piles of dirty laundry lying around, the desire to sleep can quickly disappear.

5. you negotiate problems in bed

Never discuss serious issues in the place where you have sex. Or can you imagine lustful sex where you just discussed debts, your nasty boss or the cleaning schedule? Many then find it even harder to switch off and have to constantly think about the intense conversation during sex. This is how you solve the most common relationship problems.

6. you neglect the foreplay

It is a mortal sin, but sometimes simply due to everyday stress. If you regularly neglect foreplay, you take the fire out of sex. The saying goes: the pan must be hot before you put the meat in. And you only get hot through foreplay. If you don’t take your time, you will have less sex in the future. But please don’t immediately pounce on her genitals and don’t uncharitably reel off a program. The foreplay begins before you even enter the bedroom. Kiss and hug her/him in greeting, whisper hot things in her/his ear. These foreplay techniques make you hot.

7. porn messes up your sex life

Basically, it doesn’t hurt your sex life if you watch porn every now and then. However, sitting in front of your computer masturbating 3 to 5 times a week can have a negative impact on your sex life. That’s what a U.S. study from the Naval Medical Center in San Diego found. Study leader Dr. Matthew Christman explained at the 112th American Urological Association meeting, “The more often a man masturbates to virtual sex scenes, the more he damages his sexual relationship with a real woman.” 4% of “heavy users” reported getting more pleasure from the sex movies than from making love to their partner. “These men sometimes even complained of erectile dysfunction when they were supposed to be making love to their partner. They could – literally – only man up in front of the computer,” Christman said. You can recognize sex addiction by these signs.

8. dog, cat and child in the love nest

Can you have sex when a dog or cat is watching you or you have to knock mountains of pet hair off the mattress first? If you regularly let your pet or offspring sleep in bed with you, you’re definitely damaging your love life. The keyword is togetherness.

9. lack of hygiene is a lust killer

Nasty bad breath or long not changed underwear and sheets can really turn off your partner. We don’t even want to talk about oral sex on unwashed parts! Shower before sex and put mints on the nightstand in case of emergency. One or the other also likes a scented candle in the room.

10. you watch TV in bed

Watching movies or series together is not a killer for your sex life. You may not have sex during this time, but if you cuddle, have lots of physical contact and laugh together while watching TV, it’s definitely conducive to love. In the bedroom, on the other hand, the TV creates a distance between you and your partner – much like a cell phone does.

An Italian study led by Padua-based sexologist Serenella Salomoni found that couples who don’t have a TV in the bedroom make love twice as often as those with a bedside TV. Communication between partners also suffers. The study found that couples without TV in the bedroom talk to each other for an average of 15 minutes before falling asleep. Those who fall asleep in front of the TV talk to their partner for only about 3 minutes, Salomoni said.

11. your bedroom is your office

Do you regularly take your laptop to bed to quickly finish a presentation? The files for the tax are in sight? Then your sex life could suffer massively. For a fulfilling love life, it is important that you also pay attention to the work-life balance in the bedroom. Make a clear distinction between work and sex, otherwise the pleasure may fall by the wayside – unless work makes you or your sweetheart horny.

12. you do not share the housework

Granted: Cleaning, washing and tidying up are annoying. But if you help out around the house, you’ll have better sex. Especially when it comes to doing the dishes. That’s the finding of a study by the U.S. organization Council of Contemporary Families (CCF). According to the study, it is particularly important for many people to tackle dirty dishes together with their partner – more so than other household activities. Couples who do the dishes together say they have a closer bond – and that leads to higher satisfaction and more sex.

Bottom line: please don’t (let) disturb.

The worst love killers are things that distract you from your loved one and your sex life. The smartphone and the TV in bed are fatal. Animals, children or work in bed are also distracting. But lack of foreplay, lack of communication and careless hygiene can also throw a wrench in your sex life – without you even realizing it. Celebrate togetherness, build a love nest and take your time (for foreplay). You’ll see that if you pay that much attention to your sex life, your whole life will be more pleasurable.